How I Got into Dungeons and Dragons
On the eve of Mental Health Awareness Week I wanted to share this personal story of how I started DMing and how much it has helped me since I made that step. This post will deal with mental health problems and my personal experiences so consider this a content warning.
The name OCDM isn't just a portmanteau and top quality pun that I came up with, I have experience with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Depression and Anxiety. Other than some relatively mild bouts at secondary school and university I had kept my mental health in check that was until my late 20s. I had gone through a difficult breakup with a long term partner, was being overworked, had a relative going into the advanced stages of dementia and another who was battling cancer. I was a long way from home and was spread way too thin. I had a breakdown, it wasn't madcap or as fun as the entertainment world would have you believe. There was a massive loss of control over my body and mind. I was at a crossroads where I could give in to what my mind was telling me to do or get help.
I sought help. I urge anyone going through any mental health issue to seek out medical professionals and contact your local services. You are not wasting anyone's time, your problem is worth fixing and you have value. I frequently thought I wasn't worth saving or that I was wasting people's time; so try to persevere and follow the steps.
Once we had found the correct medication I was referred to a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist. It taught me to break down my problems and treat each individual symptom. During this time I had stopped playing Magic: The Gathering as my mental faculties were just not good enough, I had no hobbies and thanks to the breakup a lack of friends. My therapist suggested joining a club as a way of slowly treating my social anxiety but as I worked shifts I was unable to attend a regular club because I wasn't always free on the same day each week.
As I wasn't sleeping regularly still I was watching a lot of youtube and I stumbled down that rabbit hole a lot! After watching the entirety of Tabletop I saw a thing called Acquisitions Incorporated in the sidebar with the familiar face of Wil Wheaton. I gave it a go. I fell in love with roleplay again. I'd left it at University and forgotten about it for over 5 years.
The strange side effect of my breakdown is as I had stopped eating and sleeping my bank balance was looking very healthy! I was signed off work so there was no commuting, I couldn't eat so there was next to no food bills all I was paying for was rent, bills and medication. I went on a bit of a splurge and got myself interested in something again. I bought the core books and went about making a story. I posted on my local Travelling Man facebook group that I was looking for players and quickly I had more than a party's worth of applicants.
Through the sessions I have learned to let go of my anxiety and just live in that collaborative moment of NPC and PC interaction. I have stopped my over-analytical mind from stopping me from doing things, I am back in the driving seat of my own mind. I've spawned further groups and I've even joined my barber's campaign as a player!
Playing this beautiful game has helped me process tough situations in my life and it's not always about 'not being me'. I might play a character to workout a specific part of my personality, one that I wish was stronger and trick myself into being more courageous or confident. The more you put yourself in that mindset the easier it is to adopt in the real world. Sometimes it's nice to leave my problems at the door and escape from the real world or take out my frustrations out on a Beholder.
I am by no means an expert but there is a reason that roleplaying games are being used in therapy sessions for mental illnesses:
I have met new friends through playing Dungeons and Dragons, you can too. Stay safe and my DMs are open.
